The ego is our “survival master”, that drive inside that pushes us for constant reaction against events and consequences without a second to pause to think things through and through. Paranoia, escapism, delusion, all comes from this ego-grip and the need to survive.
Without it we’d be lost in a sea of positivism, too much on it we’re lost in the assertivity of our own existence.
Once we accept, but deeply accept our own flawed, mortal, impermanent selves, we find a sort of peace of mind that beckons forgiveness for our flaws and mortality. We stop looking at death and aging as a deadline and start seeing the reality of constant transformation and the immutable reality of change.
When we cling to old ways, when we avoid transforming into a different skin, the metamorphosis stops and stays stagnant — we don’t deal with the darkness inside, we just numb it continuously with things like relationships, drugs, alcohol, food, consumerism, tv, internet, gossip, etc…
In order to deal with the darkness inside we must expose ourselves to it and risk the possibility of self-hatred, self-disdain and self-repulsion. Just as long as we remember to hold on to the ego for survival.
It’s fine to have self-esteem, in fact, precious. But it’s also fine to have a healthy dose of the pragmatic acceptance of imperfection.
Cultivating a healthy ego, helps to nourish a healthy sense of self, and in this day and age, being a healthy anything is a beacon for hope and change.
In order to deal with the darkness, the ego must be completely shattered into the small pieces of what we think is us, to look closely and realize we were never truly it. How come we admire our own reflection in the mirror, if we loathe ourselves inside?
There comes a time in the lives of some of us where we are faced with the horrible crap we’ve done, accepted and allowed around us. Coming to terms with these facts and not succumbing entirely to self-blame, while at the same time, taking responsibility, is not for the weak of heart. Quite literally, high levels of anxiety can cause heart problems, such as the medications for the anxiety and depression (or other symptoms) that occur.
It’s not pretty, but there is an awakening of sorts.
No mud, no lotus.