Regret, guilt & blame

We all have regrets. There isn’t a single person in the world who hasn’t regretted something in one way or another, in light of new information or personal growth. We all make choices somehow that dictate the way we live for a certain time, the actions we take and how we impact ourselves, others and the world around us. We all live with a certain guilt and both project and interiorize blame in order to deal, because someone or something must be at fault, and it’s easier to blame ourselves or the other person involved because we can hardly see through the veils of disconnection, the connection to everything that surrounds us that lays behind.

There’s a saying “You are responsible for your actions, but not of the consequences of those actions” — this is also the idea behind the concepts of free will and determinism. Even we do have free will to act a certain way, undetermined by past actions/reactions, the free will of another will determine the consequences of our actions, hence this cycle of continuous action/reaction, most of the time without pause to think things through.

We react mostly instinctively out of “pre-programmed” emotions which we haven’t processed yet - not that I like this language, we are not machines. This brings a certain lack of clarity to the actions we will take forward. In order to have some clarity over both our emotions and the consequences of them, we need to look inside and find the wound that causes it. It’s most certainly always a wound, it’s like we accomulate them throughout our lives and live according to the fact that we’re wounded. One large statement in the world of healing post-traumatic stress disorder is the idea that traumatized people are not sick, but injured. That trauma victims are not victims, but survivors. This is so valid in the eyes of those who try to approach an impossible situation of so much pain and sorrow, and there is an physical, emotional and mental reaction we seemingly have no control over.

More so, we live in an age where fear is our control emotion, meaning we fear the other despite their harmless nature, we fear vulnerability and we fear surrendering this fear, in fear of more wounding happening. We live in the fear of death and fear of life, because both ideas have become terrifying. Life is terrifying because is full of harmful people and situations and places, death is terrifying because there simply isn’t a “knowing” on what is death anyway, besides the parting of life. So we cling to the fear of living, because it’s easier to think about than the fear of dying to which we have no solution to.

We can certainly do something every day to step out of our fear of living, and we can certainly enjoy life despite that fear in the background and even forget it exists. But you turn on the news, or open a social media website, and you’re bombarded with fear, hatred and harm. You’re bombarded with pressure to be anything but yourself in a world that demands both perfection as it criticizes it. We all have perfection and imperfection, some more than others one or the other, but we all do have these qualities. We are in perfect alignment with nature, as well as imperfectly disconnected from nature.

The urban realities have brought to our emotional tables of wounds isolation and too much connection which renders vulnerability and openness targets instead of qualities to nurture within ourselves.

So we blame, we blame the other and we blame ourselves, we feel guilt and regret, because certainly there is some part of us who deserved it all.

But do we deserve hatred? Does anyone deserve hatred, disdain, mockery, to be used, to be discarted, to be ridicularized? Does anyone? Do you, do I?

So, we feel regret, blame and guilt in order to not be vulnerable, open our hearts with a word of compassion and simply say: “I see you, I see good in you.”. We hide this because collectively we seem to have decided that what is good is to be hidden and showed only to those who we feel deserving. Collectively we divided ourselves with silly notions as borders with no respect for the cultural difference of people who band together, whether it is by family, land, work or leasure.

So, I see you. I see good in you. I see love and appreciation for life, I see kindness and intelligence, I see compassion and critical thinking. Do you see yourself? Can you stop with the regretting, and the blaming and the guilt? Can we stop this incessant noise of discord and build bridges of understanding?